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Dating after divorce can be a minefield for the midlife woman.
Perhaps even thornier than pondering what to wear on a date, where to go, who pays — not to mention how you even find people to date in this brave new world of Internet match-ups — is getting over your reluctance to take a stab at it. "A divorced woman may feel very vulnerable at this stage, in part because she used to have a spouse to 'protect' her and now she has to go out into the world on her own," says Diana Kirschner, Ph D, author of .
Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but "actual terror," says Dr. Just remember that your fears are normal — after all, you're dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval — and that you don't have to jump all the way in. Tell a few trusted friends that you're interested in meeting people. "Sit down and craft a statement of what, exactly, you're after. If you feel the same way, she offers this advice: "I suggest you try to reframe it as an adventure, or as an education," she says.
Accept invitations to parties." While it's not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like "all men are jerks" or "all the good ones are taken," that's obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. "That kind of thinking can tank your mood — and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love." By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you'll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again. You've decided to start dating — isn't that your "intention" right there? "Dating can be a way to sharpen your social skills too." And, of course, a way to get out of the house and have some fun!
“I had to watch them for a full hour, then my daughter went home with him and his new flame (they dated for under a month).
"My rule of thumb is to meet in person within two weeks of making online contact." Might as well find out as soon as you can if the chemistry is virtual — or real.
Of course, when you do meet, take basic safety precautions. He may have seemed great, but loses interest, or is dating someone else, or has problems you will never know about.
Reader’s Comment Regarding how to tell your child about a new “friend,” post-divorce (July 24), here’s how NOT to do it: “My ex left me and our young daughter in mid-October, then filed for divorce.
On Christmas Eve, we met at church so he could pick up our daughter.
She’s constantly telling me that my hair colour is too black (which I love and all my friends like), but I only recently realized she thought that I’d be spending too much of his money at the hairdresser. If she ever says something of value, thank her and be gracious. Change nothing that you like about yourself, but show an open mind on small matters.